The CakeNappers
by La-Garce-Fille
Summary: Team Gai has a special mission to deliver a birthday cake, but the Akatsuki want it! Serial rapist ninja, rabid chinchilla, bad dating advice, and bear heads included.


I originally wrote this fic for my friend, Stephanie's, birthday present. (Yes, I used her name in the story.)

But, I decided to post it cuz it's just too funny to not share with the reading world. -nodnod-

Luffy to my amazing BETA, **xAvenirYuinax**, even though we had an unusual argument over an English/grammar concept in this story...XD

I still love her, though.

So, enjoy, _mes amis_.

Disclaimer: I don't own Naruto. At all. However, I'd love to own the Akatsuki. -huggles Akatsuki plushies- What? They're my obsession! Sue me.

* * *

**The Cake-Nappers**

_/Thursday/_

"Alright, team. **Here** is our mission!" Maito Gai stated, holding out a picture and a cook book to his team.

"Who and what is that?" Hyuuga Neji asked, sitting on a chair, crossing his arms.

"_This_" Gai began, holding the picture out some more, "is Stephanie Seidl. She is the daughter of the assistant to the Mizukage of Kirigakure. And _this_ is a cook book about cakes." He held the book out more as well.

Tenten took the book. "We're baking a cake?" she questioned, glancing between her crazy sensei and the book.

"Very good, Tenten! You have figured out the mission before both Neji and Lee!"

Neji glared and Rock Lee looked forlorn.

Gai blinked then laughed nervously, rubbing the back of his head. "Sorry."

"So, Gai-sensei. Why are we to bake a cake?" Lee brought up, standing directly before his sensei and role model.

"I'm glad you asked, my beloved student! Tsunade-sama has assigned us to bake a cake for Miss Stephanie Seidl and have it delivered to her by Saturday, June 19th. She also said that the cake must be guarded _**EXTREMELY**_ carefully."

Neji blinked. "Why? What's so special about a damn cake?"

Gai shrugged. "She wasn't specific." He then went into the infamous 'Nice Guy' pose. "But that doesn't matter! What **does** matter is that we bake a cake with so much youthfulness, **EVERYONE** will want it!"

Lee went into his determined mode. "Yes, Gai-sensei! You are absolutely right! Come, Neji! Tenten! Let us _BEGIN_!"

Gai teared up. "Oh, Lee! I am so proud of you!"

Lee teared up, too. "Oh! Thank you, Gai-sensei!"

Gai and Lee met in a dramatic hug, like usual, causing Neji and Tenten to sweatdrop at their teammate and sensei's behavior.

"Can we just get started already?" Neji probed, clearly annoyed.

"Of course! Good luck to you all!" Gai went into another 'Nice Guy' pose. "And keep the spirit of youth alive!" He poofed out, leaving his team in a kitchen with a picture, a cook book, and a mission that confused the hell out of them.

"Well, boys," Tenten began, tying an apron on and throwing one to each of her teammates. "Let's get started."

Lee and Neji nodded, and tied on their aprons, Neji feeling horribly embarrassed. But, he learned a while ago that you **DO NOT** screw with Tenten when she wants you to do something.

Propping the book on a tray, opened to a page that had been marked by, assembly, Tsunade, Tenten clapped her hands. "Okay. Let's start with the essentials. Lee, you get the ingredients." She handed Lee a list of things to gather. "And, Neji. You get the utensils and such." She handed a list of the components to bake the cake with to Neji.

Lee and Neji exchanged glances, then shrugged, leaving to get the required items. The quicker they did this, the better. Or so they thought. Who knew this wasn't going to be as easy as the two shinobi thought it would be?

_/In a Tea Shop, Friday/_

Five of the nine Akatsuki members were currently waiting on two others in a tea shop located in the Rain country.

"What the hell are we waiting for again?...yeah…" the blond, Iwa-missing-nin, Deidara, complained.

"We're waiting on Itachi and Kisame to get here, remember?" Sasori, answered in his monotone voice. The red-haired, Suna-missing-nin sighed at his partner's childish complaints and sipped some of his tea.

"Well, they best not be too long. Hidan and I have important things to accomplish," Kakuzu, the Taki-missing-nin, stated, slumping back in a chair.

"Oh, please," Zetsu said, glancing from his tea to Kakuzu. "You can rob banks _anytime_." The missing-nin from God-knows-where shook his head and set the cup down.

Hidan, the Yu missing-nin, spoke up next. "He's right, Kakuzu. It's not often that Itachi and Kisame want to see any of us, so it must be important."

Just then, the door to the tea shop flew open, revealing two men in black coats with red clouds on them and straw hats. The shorter of the men had red eyes peeking out from under the brim of the straw hat and the other, much taller, man obviously had something heavy tied to his back. Looking around the shop, they located who they came for and strode over to them. Taking a seat, they removed the hats, revealing themselves as the two members that the others were waiting for.

Deidara scoffed. "It's about _**time**_!…yeah…"

"Shut-up. We told you we'd be late," The Kiri-missing-nin, Hoshigaki Kisame, berated, letting his massive sword, Samehada, rest on the ground.

Deciding that probably letting the argument his partner was about to start actually happen wasn't the best of ideas, Sasori asked, "So. Why did you two call us here?"

Uchiha Itachi, who up until now had been completely quiet and staring out the window, looked at Sasori straight in the eye; his Sharingan activated but not swirling, indicating that no one was going to die soon. "Leader-sama has a mission for us," he answered softly.

"**All** of us?" Hidan asked, raising an eyebrow.

"Yep," Kisame responded, leaning back in his chair.

"That's quite unusual," Zetsu pointed out, his tea completely forgotten.

"Agreed. Well? Don't keep us in suspense anymore. What's the mission?" Kakuzu asked, his tea not forgotten and sipped.

The Konoha-missing-nin reached into his coat and pulled out a picture that he set in the middle of the table. "This girl is having a cake delivered this Saturday for her birthday. The reason for our involvement: Leader-sama wants that cake. Therefore, we are to steal it from the delivery team," he softly explained.

"_**WHAT!**_" Hidan yelled, standing up. "You called us here to steal a friggin _**cake**_?"

Itachi remained calm. "Basically."

"That has to be the stupidest thing I've ever heard! Come on, Kakuzu. We're getting the hell outta here!" Hidan grabbed his hat and 3-sythe weapon, waiting for his partner to join him.

Kakuzu sighed and stood as well, reaching for his hat and addressing the Uchiha. "Tell Leader-sama that Hidan and I will just have to make up for this mission. Good luck, you five." Placing his hat on his head, he nodded to his hot-headed partner. The two poofed out of the tea shop, leaving the remaining five to plan.

"So, what villages are we looking at?…yeah…" Deidara asked, sipping his now-cold tea.

"We're going to Kiri and the team that's delivering the cake is from Konoha," Kisame answered, leaning back in his chair and glancing to Itachi. "Well Itachi? You were the one that wouldn't share the plan until we got here. How do we do it?"

Itachi leaned in so that no one would hear. "Here's the plan…"

The others leaned in as well and listened to Itachi's quiet voice as he went over every detail.

_/Konoha, With Team Gai, Saturday/_

"After two friggin days of screwing up, we've finally done it!" Tenten groaned, falling back into a plush chair.

The kitchen they were in was littered with 'failed cake-baking attempts' and other baking paraphernalia, with one successful attempt placed on a table in the middle. The cake that was meant to be for Miss Stephanie Seidl was a beautiful three-layered yellow cake, covered in chocolate icing and pink flowers. It read 'Happy 15th Birthday, Stephie-Chan' in neon green on the sides of it. It truly was a good-looking cake.

"Who knew baking a damn cake was so friggin hard?" Neji grumbled, also falling back into a chair. Neji, as well as the other two members of Team Gai, was covered in flour and other sticky, messy baking ingredients, all three aprons long gone.

"Well, despite having many failed attempts, at least our creation turned out beautifully and youthful!" Lee pointed out, holding up the 'creation' enthusiastically.

"Yeah. Whatever, Lee. Look, just put the cake down before you drop it. I _**don't**_ want to spend any more time trying to bake another one," Tenten said, glaring at Lee. He put the cake down on a table and took a seat on the floor. Just then, there was a poof of gray smoke signaling the arrival of a certain jounin sensei.

"Hello, team! How goes the cake baking?" Gai asked, giving his 'Nice Guy' pose to his exhausted team.

Lee shot up. "Gai-sensei! Neji, Tenten, and I have accomplished half of our mission, sir! And we are now ready to deliver the masterpiece of our amazing teamwork to the Mizukage's assistance's daughter!"

"Very good! We leave in an hour for the village of Kirigakure! Tenten. You are in charge of the cake until then. We'll meet at the gates, do the delivery, then come back in time for probably another mission! So, get cleaned up and I'll see you in an hour!" And, with that said, Gai poofed out again. His team exchanged glances. Tenten stood and placed the cake in the fridge until it was needed again in an hour. The three ninja left to get changed and such so that they could finish this ridiculous mission and do some serious ninja work.

_/An Hour and a Half Later, With the Akatsuki, Down a Road Close to Kiri/_

"Why do **I** have to be Sasuke!" Itachi complained, glaring at the much taller Fishman.

"Because you can act like him!" Kisame answered, glaring at the Sharingan user.

"And why do _**you**_ get to be Kakashi!" Itachi complained again, pouting like a child that was told he couldn't have a toy he really wanted.

"Because I'm taller! Now, quit your bitching and get ready to transform into your brother!" Kisame commanded, turning his attention to the other two members of their plan. "Are you two ready?"

Deidara and Sasori nodded.

"Okay," Kisame stated, motioned for them all to do the hand signs. "Transform!"

There was a large poof of smoke. Once it cleared, there no longer stood Kisame, Itachi, Sasori, and Deidara. There now stood Team Seven, with Kisame as Hatake Kakashi, Itachi as Uchiha Sasuke, Sasori as Haruno Sakura, and Deidara as Uzumaki Naruto.

Let's just say Itachi wasn't the only one unhappy with the roles.

"Why do I have to be a girl?" Sasori whined, glaring at Kisa- I mean, Kakashi.

Kisame, now Kakashi, sighed in annoyance. "I swear! You and Itachi are like damn five-year-olds!" Taking a deep breath, he continued. "Zetsu. You go keep watch for them."

Zetsu, who had been watching this whole fiasco, tried to stifle a laugh. "Very well," he said, and burrowed underground. He hid in some trees a little further up the road to keep watch of the delivery team that was coming.

_/Where Zetsu is Hidden, Team Gai/_

The cake was in a box, carried by Gai. Neji and Tenten were behind him, and Lee was in front so that the cake would be carefully guarded, as Tsunade had instructed.

"I still don't get why a cake has to be guarded," Neji said, twirling the kunai he was holding on his index finger.

"I don't know. But if Tsunade-sama said we have to, then we better not question it," Tenten answered, looking around for any enemies.

"I bet she was drunk when she came up with that part," Neji casually pointed out, yawning.

"Neji! How could you say such things about out wonderful Hokage? The leader of our wonderful village!" Lee asked, clearly upset by Neji's statement.

"Basically because I know it's probably true," Neji retorted, rolling his eyes and looking straight ahead.

"Alright you two. Stop your bickering and keep watching. We're not far from the village," Gai declared, doing sweep through of the area for enemy chakra. The entire team fell silent and continued to guard the cake.

By this point, Zetsu had already ran back to his Akatsuki comrades posing as Konoha's Team Seven. "They'll be here in about ten minutes," he reported.

"Okay, good," Kakashi(Kisame) said, looking back to the others. "Have the cry-babies grown up so they don't screw up our plan?"

Sasuke(Itachi) frowned. "_**Our**_ plan? This was **MY** friggin plan, baka!"

"Oh, whatever. Cry me a river," Kakashi(Kisame) sighed, rolling his eyes and looking to Sakura(Sasori).

"Let's just get this over with," she/he said, crossing her/his arms and glaring at Naruto(Deidara).

"I'm ready if you guys are…yeah…" he said.

"You're going to try and not say 'yeah' at the end of your sentences, dude. That's not how the Kyuubi-brat talks," Kakashi(Kisame) indicated, looking ahead and feeling for the approaching chakra.

"Oh. Okay, I'll try."

"See? Much better." The chakras were coming closer by the second. "Okay, guys. This is it. Zetsu, you leave. It's show time."

Zetsu nodded and poofed out, heading back to the Akatsuki HQ to report that the mission was underway while the imposter Team Seven got ready.

As few minutes later, Team Gai was making their way up the hill when they spotted some familiar ninja at the top.

"Hey. Is not that Kakashi-san, Sakura-san, Sasuke-san, and Naruto-san?" Lee asked, stopping and pointing to the team.

"Why, I do believe you're right, my ever-youthful student. But, I wonder what Kakashi and his team are doing here," Gai answered, stopping next to Lee, Tenten and Neji on the other side of Lee.

"Maybe we should go find out," Tenten suggested, glancing to her sensei to see his answer.

"Tenten's right, Gai-sensei. Tsunade-sama never said anything about Kakashi's team helping us," Neji pointed out, glaring at Team Seven.

"Perhaps it is just pure coincidence that they are at the same place we are," Lee said, glancing to his sensei as well. It was unusual for Gai not to say anything.

Silence.

"Gai-sensei?" the three shinobi asked, growing concerned for the actually-quiet-Gai.

"It couldn't hurt to just ask what they're up to, I suppose," he finally said, putting on his gleamy-teeth-that-blinds-everybody-within-a-five-mile-radius smile.

"Right," the team responded simultaneously, all four of them walking more towards Team Seven.

_/With Team Seven(_Akatsuki_) and Team Gai/_

"_Kakashi_." Gai greeted, smiling his annoyingly bright smile again. "What are you and your team doing here, my eternal rival?"

Kakashi(Kisame) flinched and looked away, muttering something about 'damn bright teeth-freak' under his breath before deciding it would be best to answer. He raised a hand in a bored manner, similar to Kakashi's way of doing it, answering, "We were sent here to meet you guys."

"Why? Tsunade never said anything about a contact team," Neji stated seriously, looking at Team Seven with a great deal of suspicion.

"She decided to send us after you four had already left," Sasuke(Itachi) confirmed as impassively as ever. "She wanted the cake _**especially**_ guarded, so that's why we're here."

Naruto(Deidara) and Sakura(Sasori) nodded in agreement, looking to Kakashi(Kisame) for signs of what to do next.

The plan of the Akatsuki was extremely simple. I mean, a first grader could've thought of a more elaborate plan. All they had to do was transform into Team Seven (as to not arouse suspicion), get Team Gai to hand them the box containing the cake, then poof themselves back to the Akatsuki HQ to give said tasty treat to Leader. See? Simple.

"Ah," Gai said, looking at the younger genin team closely. "I suppose that makes sense. Tsunade-sama was very cautious about this mission. She said that security was extremely important. So, one could assume she'd send another team to help us out, right?"

"Right," Team Seven replied, shaking their heads and smiling sweetly. Well, all except Sasuke(Itachi). But, he was never meant to smile…

"Well," Gai began, happy to have some help in completing this insane mission. "Let's get going. We still have a couple more miles until we reach our destination."

"Just a second," Neji interrupted, keeping a close eye on 'Team Seven'. "How can we be so sure that they really are here to help us?"

"Oh, Neji. Would you stop already? _**This**_ is Kakashi-san's team, so quit being paranoid!" Tenten berated, sending a sharp glare at her white-eyed teammate.

"Tenten is right, Neji. How could this not be Kakashi-san's team?" Lee questioned, not understanding Neji's odd behavior.

"Easy," he answered, turning his attention to the pink-haired kunoichi of the intruding team. "Since when does Sakura cross her arms?"

He was right. Sakura(Sasori) had her/his arms crossed, something the real Sakura doesn't do. The imposter Team Seven gulped.

Tenten blinked. "He's right. Sakura doesn't cross her arms. She always said it looked too manly…But, it could always be a coincidence."

"And since when does Naruto always smile?" Neji continued.

Another right observation. In the presence of Sasuke, Naruto didn't smile too often. Kakashi(Kisame), Sasuke(Itachi), and Sakura(Sasori) all looked to Naruto(Deidara), becoming nervous. This Neji-brat was way too damn smart.

"He is right again. Naruto says smiling too much hurts his face," Lee confirmed, nodding. "But that does not mean that this is not the real Naruto, Neji."

"Fine. Since when does Sasuke constantly have a blank face? He always said it reminded him of a certain someone that he never said the name of because he was a bastard." Neji said, glancing to 'Sasuke' with a smug smirk.

'_Sasuke, you little prick. You're lucky I haven't killed you yet,' _Sasuke(Itachi) thought, getting the mental image of himself killing his little brother with a shuriken.

"Doesn't mean that that guy isn't the real Sasuke. He could…just be having a bad day," Tenten tried to explain, not wanting to believe that this was an enemy disguised as Team Seven.

"Gai-sensei. Do you sill think that they're here to assist us?" Neji asked, all three young ninja peering to their sensei for his thought.

"You know, Neji. Perhaps you're right," he responded, looking 'Kakashi' over carefully. "Kakashi. Since when are you _**TALLER**_ than me!" he interrogated, pointing at the Kakashi impersonator.

True again. In his transformation, Kisame had made the mistake of not knowing Kakashi's true height and ending up being an inch taller than Gai.

Lee and Tenten couldn't justify this one. Kakashi was always shorter than their crazy sensei. No doubt about that one.

Kakashi's(Kisame's) eyes widened. After a moment, he knew the jig was up. "Well, _**damn**_," he said disappointedly, looking to the others.

Sasuke(Itachi) shook his head, but said nothing.

Naruto(Deidara) sighed. "Way to go, baka…yeah…" he said sarcastically, holding two thumbs up.

" '_And don't screw up!' _Weren't those your words?" Sakura(Sasori) reminded, gazing blankly at the fuming Fish-man/Fake Copy-nin.

"Shut-up!" he commanded, glaring at the two partners.

Then, there was a massive poofing sound followed by the large cloud of smoke. When it cleared, there stood the Akatsuki members once again. Team Gai gasped, with the exception of Neji for he had had a sneaking suspicion about 'Team Seven' from the beginning. Hence his interrogation of them.

Itachi moved his red-eyed gaze from Gai to Lee to Tenten to Neji, and back again. After coming up with a new plan, he grabbed the cake box from Gai and said, "Make a break!" before running away. The other three Akatsuki members exchanged glances before deciding that their second-youngest member-at-the-moment had the right idea. They, too, took off running.

Meanwhile, the members of Team Gai couldn't believe this. Their cake that they had worked on for two days had just been stolen (for some odd reason) by, not only a group of four S-class criminals, but by four members of what was probably the biggest criminal organization of the ninja-ing world. No wonder Tsunade had wanted careful protection of such a trivial thing…

They watched the members get a large head start, contemplating what to do, until Neji screamed out, "GET THEM!"

Nodding, Team Gai of Konoha began the fight for the cake-that-was-meant-to-be-for-the-Mizukage's-assistant's-daughter with the Akatsuki.

Can't get much weirder than **this**.

_/A clearing in Some Woods, Right Outside Kiri/ _

The Akatsuki members sat down on some stumps, panting heavily. If they had _planned_ to run, maybe they wouldn't be so tired. But, that wasn't the case, so they were. But, anyway, that's beside the point. The Akatsuki members were tired.

"Stupid white-eyed freak…yeah…" Deidara grumbled, glancing at Itachi and the box in his hands. "So. What are we gonna do now, Itachi?…yeah…"

Itachi sighed deeply. "I'm not sure. Being interrogated and running away like scared animals wasn't part of my plan."

"Yeah? Well, your plan _**sucked**_!" Kisame expressed, glaring at Itachi coldly, wanting so bad to take his massive sword to his partner's head.

"There's no need for hostilities, Kisame," Itachi stated, glancing at his partner. "After all, if anyone should be mad, it should be Sasori, Deidara, and myself. **You** were the one that got us discovered."

Kisame glowered at the eldest Uchiha, but said nothing. Itachi would pay later….Yes….Samehada was going to have _flesh_ tonight! (Insert evil laughter here) A feral, toothy grin appeared on our favorite Fish-man's face as he continued to eye Itachi.

"Umm…Itachi? I believe Kisame is planning on something horrible for later," Sasori pointed out, eying Kisame warily, Deidara trying to hide behind the puppet master.

"Oh, really? Well, it had better be how horrible he's going to beg for forgiveness from all of us and not of someone's death. Right, Kisame?" Itachi questioned, his swirling Sharingan directed at the Kiri-missing-nin.

Kisame's grin faded. If it was a choice between being hit with Tsukuyomi and living without revenge, he'd definitely choose the living part.

"That's what I thought," Itachi said, returning his Kekkei genkai back to its usual state. "Now. Back to our predicament. We're stuck in some woods with a cake that we have to get back to Leader. Anyone have any suggestions on what course of action we should take next?"

"I have one. Give us back our cake!" a voice called from up in the trees.

The four Akatsuki members traded looks before realizing that they had been followed.

Team Gai jumped down from the tree they were stationed in, landing a good five feet from the cake-napping S-Class ninja. Itachi looked between all of the Konoha ninja before ramming the box into Deidara's hands. "Deidara, run. Run as fast and as far away as you can. We'll hold these losers off, so _**GO**_!" He shoved the shocked blonde in a direction and pulled out a kunai. The other two had no idea what to do, so they also prepared for battle, hoping Deidara wouldn't get into too much trouble on his own.

Team Gai, once again, couldn't believe this. Why the hell was the damn Akatsuki after some damn cake for some guy's daughter! Gai sighed and looked at his team determinedly. "Okay, team. I'll entrust these three to you. I'll go off and get that cake back."

"But, Gai-sensei!" Tenten protested. "How the hell are we suppose to defeat **AKATSUKI**!"

Gai smiled. "I never said 'defeat', Tenten. Just…keep them occupied. Make sure that they don't try to help their friend. I'll get the cake and make the delivery. Good luck." And, with that, Might Gai had left his three genin to fight three S-Class criminals.

"Did that gleamy-teeth-freak just say that he was off to find Deidara and leave his brats here with us?" Kisame asked, utterly behooved as to what had just occurred.

"I believe that's what just happened," Sasori responded, also a little confused by the enemy ninja's actions.

"Dammit," Itachi swore, looking at the genin before them. "Okay. Here's the plan of attack: we get rid of these three, then run off and save Deidara. Sound good?"

"Sounds good," Kisame and Sasori answered simultaneously. They looked ahead to the kids, turned around, then spilt up into three different directions, effectively getting rid of the three genin. Or, so they thought.

Kisame, Itachi, and Sasori weren't going to get rid of the members of Team Gai that easily. They were **Gai's** students after all, so they knew a lot about perseverance and how to annoyingly follow people. Nodding to one another, they, too, split up; Neji taking Itachi's path, Lee taking Kisame's, and Tenten taking Sasori's. Those Akatsuki boys were in for one hell of a battle for the birthday cake of one, Stephanie Seidl.

_/Meanwhile, Kiri Town Square/_

He had no idea what the fruitcake he was doing.

Deidara was running as fast as he could, but he did have a few factors working against him. One, he was running with a big box that contained a cake that he _**had**_ to get back to the headquarters or else Leader would friggin **slaughter** him. Two, he was in a crowded town square kind of area in Kiri. And, three, a very ticked, jumpsuit-wearing jounin was catching up to him by the second.

"Gotta hide somewhere. But where?…yeah…" Deidara whispered to himself, looking around to find a place to hide. Unfortunately, there was a loud sound in front of him, indicating the 'poofing' of a ninja. Looking ahead, Deidara met the eyes of the one person he **did not **wanna see at the moment.

"The cake, kid," Gai sighed, holding his hands out to Deidara, obviously very ticked off.

Deidara looked around frantically again. Seeing one way as his opportunity of escape, he took a deep breath. "**AHHHHHH! **HELP! Serial rapist _**ninja**_!…yeah…" he screamed, gathering the attention of the townspeople.

Everyone looked to Gai, who was completely floored by this accusation. Some glared, others looked at him with disgust, and others didn't know what the hell to think.

Seeing now as a good time, Deidara laughed shortly at Gai and began his run again.

Gai narrowed his eyes, watching the blonde Akatsuki member running away. 'That was **such** a low blow…' he thought angrily, ignoring the looks he was still getting and began running after the escaping ninja again.

_/With Itachi/_

'Must find Deidara…' Itachi thought, stationing himself on a fat branch and feeling around for Deidara's chakra. He became aware of Neji a little while ago, but paid no mind. As long as he stayed far ahead of the Hyuuga prodigy, the Uchiha Clan killer figured he would be fine.

'There he is!' Itachi thought, feeling the blonde missing-Iwa-nin's chakra coming closer at a rapid pace. He jumped down and waited. He'd take the cake, run it to Leader, then locate the others before going off on some other mission. -sigh- It was always up to /Itachi/ to save the day…

Itachi didn't have to wait for Deidara long. In about a minute, Deidara had practically run over Itachi to get away from the still-pursuing Gai.

"ITACHI!" he exclaimed, panting heavily. "That guy in the one-size-too-tight jumpsuit is friggin scary!…yeah…"

Itachi blinked. "I know."

Deidara took a few deep breaths. "Just in case you didn't. So, what do we do now?…yeah…"

"Hand me the cake. I'll take it to Leader."

"Thank you, God!" Deidara shoved the cake box into Itachi's hand. "Take that damn thing away from me…yeah…"

"I will. Listen, if you run into that white-eyed kid, I want you to-"

"There's no '**if**' he runs into him', Uchiha," Neji interrupted, standing proudly and smugly on a tree branch in clear view. "I'm already here."

"Damn," Itachi and Deidara said, glaring at the smirking brat.

"The cake," Neji commanded, jumping down and holding his hands out.

"No," Itachi answered, then jumped up into a near-by tree, running away again with the cake. Was Neji actually expecting Akatsuki members to listen to him?

"Hey…you were suppose to give that back!" Neji yelled at the retreating Uchiha, following him again. I guess that was a 'yes'…

Deidara stood there dumbfounded. Mumbling a couple of curses, he decided that this damn cake wasn't worth it and poofed out to go get some food back in the village. He just hoped Itachi would be okay…

_/Meanwhile, the Itachi and Neji Chase/_

'Damn brat,' Itachi insulted, glancing back slightly to see if he could see Neji. 'He's worse than my stupid little brother.'

"Give me back the cake, you clan-murdering freak!" Neji yelled, catching up to the eldest Uchiha.

Itachi paused on a thick branch and turned around. "Why is everyone always on about the death of the clan? Listen, it wasn't even me that did it."

Neji stopped a few branches away. "It wasn't?"

"**No**."

"Then who was it?"

"It was a rabid chinchilla that broke into the clan grounds. I had to kill the chinchilla to try to save my…mother, causing my weapons to be all bloody, and then everyone thought it was me that killed the clan. That's the real story."

"Really?"

Itachi nodded. "Yes, really. You believe me, don't you, Neji?"

"Well…Does Sasuke know about that story?"

"Yes. But, you see, he never really liked me. Always said I was a weird and freaked him out. He was always a little jackass. So, when I tried to tell him the real story, he accused me of making it up and decided that I was just trying to trick him so that I could kill **him** later on."

"Oh." Neji nodded and crossed his arms. "Yep, sounds like something Sasuke'd say."

"I know. So, Neji? Do you believe me or not?"

"I do, Itachi-san. So, to help you out, I'm gonna go back to Konoha and make Sasuke believe the real story of his clan's murder!"

"Thank you, Neji. But, the village is the other way, isn't it?" Itachi smirked slightly. His plan to fool this brat with a fake story was totally working.

"Yeah. I'm off! See ya later, Itachi-san!" Neji waved happily and began to go back the other direction.

"Right. See you later…" Itachi waved for a few seconds then began running in the opposite direction of Neji. "Fool. Now to find Kisame." He sped up, thoughts on locating his fishy partner and handing off responsibility of the damn cake.

In the meantime, realization had dawned on Neji. "Damn Uchihas," he muttered and decided to go and locate Gai considering Itachi had too far of a head start for him to catch up again.

_/With Kisame/_

"I wonder how the others are doing," Kisame said, reclining back against a tree trunk. "I mean, it's been at least twenty minutes and I haven't felt any signature of any of them."

Speaking of signatures, one was approaching fast. The certain chakra signature of a certain Uchiha…

Kisame sat up. "Hey…is that Itachi?" It got closer. "That is Itachi!" The loveable Fish-man stood up and waited for his red-eyed partner to finally make his appearance.

A minute or two later, Itachi was standing in front of his partner holding the cake box. "There you are, Kisame. Here, take this." Itachi handed Kisame the box, happy to get it off his hands. That Hyuuga was more trouble than he was worth.

"I thought Deidara had it," Kisame stated, looking at the box then back at his shorter partner.

"He did. Then he found me and made me take it."

"And now that you've found me you're making me take it?"

"Yep."

"That sucks. So, if I find Sasori can I make him take the cake?"

Itachi shrugged. "If you want, I guess."

"Okay. So, what are you gonna do now?"

"I'm gonna go get something to eat in the village. Avoiding little Hyuuga brats takes a lot of work."

"Well, how'd you avoid him?"

"I tricked him into thinking that I was framed for killing the Uchiha Clan by a rabid chinchilla." He showed no emotion during that statement.

Kisame, on the other hand, busted out laughing. "And he believed it? Oh, what a dumbass!"

"Yes, yes. Now get going. Get the cake to the base. I'll find Deidara and Sasori so we can meet you there, okay?"

"Okay. See you in a few, Itachi." Kisame turned around and jumped into a tree, beginning his trek back to the Akatsuki HQ. Itachi sighed deeply and began _his_ trek to get something to eat. This mission was beginning to become rather stupid.

_/On Some Path/_

Kisame was taking his trip at a rather slow pace. As far as he could tell, he wasn't being followed so there was really no need in hurrying along, right?

Actually, wrong. And it was wrong because Kisame was being followed. It was just that the chakra signature of the one following him was so weak, he simply thought that it was some woodland animal. Lee had been tracking Kisame the whole time, it was just that the blue-skinned man had never known! And who said Rock Lee couldn't be a kick ass ninja?

Lee stayed stealthily behind Kisame, waiting for the right moment to strike. He was mildly surprised that the over-grown fish guy hadn't noticed he was there. He simply decided to ignore it and stick to his plan of action, which was to just pounce on the Kiri-missing-nin, steal the cake, then deliver it to the Mizukage's assistance's daughter himself, and then go and find his team so they can return home. That way, they won and the Akatsuki didn't. 'It is fool-proof!' he thought happily.

Kisame stopped and looked around. Now was the moment! Lee jumped from his perch and pounced right on Kisame. Unfortunately, the Kisame that he pounced on poofed into a puff of gray smoke, causing Lee to land on his face. 'Uh-oh…'

Lee slowly got up, shaking his head to relieve the numbness of his face. When he could see clearly again, he saw the shadow of a massive being covering his form. This massive being was obviously Kisame. "Um…" Lee stood up and turned around quickly. "Give me back that cake!" he commanded, pointing furiously at the box.

Kisame glanced between the box and the pointing-kid. Landing his sights on Lee, he simply answered, "No."

The finger dropped. "Well…why not?"

"Because. Listen, munchkin. Let's make a trade, huh?"

"Trade?"

"Yeah. How about…you let me have this cake and I won't suck all of the chakra out of your body."

"Well, I have no use for my chakra, so that's not really a good trade."

"What do you mean 'no use for my chakra'? You have to have chakra, kid. It's for your jutsus and stuff."

"I only know taijutsu." Lee nodded sagely.

Kisame blinked. "What?"

"I have no skill at ninjutsu or genjutsu. Therefore, I only use taijutsu."

There was a short silence on Kisame's part. Then he said, "You're a weird kid, kid."

"Thank you. Now, the cake, Hoshigaki-san." Lee held his hands out for Kisame to put the cake in.

"Well…how about…I help you with your love life?"

The hands dropped this time. "You can do that?" Lee was agape.

"I can." Kisame smiled, very pleased with his lie.

Lee pulled out a pen, a pad of paper, and sat Indian-style on the ground. "Okay. Go ahead. I am listening."

"Okay. First of all, it is a _she_, right?"

Lee cut his eyes.

"Sorry, had to make sure. Now then, what does she look like?"

Lee's eyes went all starry. "She of the most rarest of beauties. With her grace, her agility, her giving nature, and her-"

"Okay, just shut-up!" Kisame sighed. "Let's do basics. What color are her eyes?"

"They are of the deepest green. Like the treetops themselves."

"Okay. And what about her hair? What color is that?"

"It is the most beautiful shade of the sakura petal."

Kisame's eyes widened. "It's _**PINK**_?"

"Yes. It is."

"Oh. That's…weird. Okay, got your, um…notes ready?"

Lee readied his pen and paper. "Yes!"

"Alright. First thing you do to get a girl to like you is punch her in the arm."

Lee paused in his writing. "Punch her in the arm?"

"Yep."

"How does that make her like you?"

"It shows her you're a tough guy. Women like tough guys, ya know."

"Alright then," he began writing down what Kisame had just told him. "What next?"

"Next, you tell her she's a whore and that you hate her."

Lee was horror-stricken. "**WHY**!"

"Women like men who they think aren't interested in them."

"Are you sure?"

"Positive. C'mon, kid. Who are you gonna believe? An older guy who's had experience or your young morals?"

"…I guess the older guy that's had the experience."

"Exactly."

"Okay." Lee wrote that down, too. "What comes after that?"

"After you call her a whore and tell her you hate her, you find a cheap floozy to flaunt in front of her. She'll get jealous and then throw herself all over you."

"Okay…" Lee continued writing what Kisame had said down.

"Once you've got her attention, you get rid of the floozy. Then, you casually ask her if she'd like to go do something, but still act you don't really care if she'll agree of not."

"Right!" Lee wrote that down, too.

"Well, that's it, kid. You got everything?"

"I believe so, Hoshigaki-san." Lee looked back over his notes to make sure.

"Good. Now, run along to your village and get the weird, pink-headed girl of your dreams." Kisame waved Lee off in the direction back to Konoha, which was the opposite way of where he was going.

"I will. Thank you, Hoshigaki-san! For I would never be able to win Sakura-san's heart without you!" Lee saluted Kisame, then ran off in the direction of Konoha.

"Weird kid," Kisame mumbled, then took off to find Sasori. He was getting too old for all of this…

_/With Sasori/_

Sasori was meditating next to a waterfall. He figured that one of the other three would get the cake to Leader, so he would just wait for them to come and find him.

Kisame had felt Sasori's chakra not far from where he was. 'Perfect. Just the guy I was looking for,' he thought, speeding up to reach his new destination faster, holding onto the cake box a little tighter so that the cake wouldn't move around too much.

Sasori opened his eyes and stood up. He felt Kisame coming closer by the second. 'Must be here to take me back to the headquarters,' he assumed, gathering his discarded coat and shrugging it back on. He crossed his arms and waited patiently.

Kisame arrived at the waterfall to see a waiting puppet master. He looked around to find any intruders. Finding no one, Kisame shoved the cake box into Sasori's hands. "Take it. And get it far away from me."

Sasori looked down at the box then back at Kisame. "I thought you would've made it back to Leader-sama by now. What happened?"

"Well, Deidara got caught by that weird, shiny-teeth guy. So, he ran away and gave the cake to Itachi, who got caught by that white-eyed brat. After tricking **that** kid, he gave it to me. Then _I_ got caught by that weird, shiny-teeth guy wannabe. So, when I got rid of that kid, I came here to find you and make you take the damn cake to Leader-sama. So, go." Kisame poofed out and went to the village to get something to drink and probably find Deidara and Itachi.

Sasori was confused, surprisingly. This little genin team couldn't possibly be **that **annoying as to tire out **three** Akatsuki members consecutively. Either way, it was obviously up to him to deliver the cake to Leader. He sighed. Kids. Can't handle the simplest of missions.

He was about to begin the journey back to the headquarters, when he was ambushed by a barrage of weapons. Quickly, and discreetly, creating a clone of himself, Sasori jumped into a tree and waited. The clone was hit with multiple shuriken and kunai and was lying on the ground. Then, a girl jumped down from the top of the waterfall to observe her work.

'Just as I thought. It's the kunoichi from the genin team.'

Tenten looked at the form of who she believed to be Sasori, covered in her weapons. She poked him with the tip of her foot, making sure he wouldn't jump up and attack her, then bent over to pick up the box. When she lifted it up, however, the jutsu finally gave out, the clone disappearing and the box turning into a rock, causing Tenten squeaked and fell to the ground. Rubbing her head, Tenten stood back up, marginally ticked. "Stupid Akatsuki bastard!" she shouted, kicking the ground in frustration. "He's so damn annoying!"

Sasori then jumped down from his tree. "Look who's talking, child."

Tenten spun around to face him, holding her kunai steady. "Ah-ha! I found you!"

Sasori could've disagreed, but decided it would be too bothersome. "Uh-huh. Sure you did. Now, you're in my way. Can you move?"

"Move? What are you, friggin insane? I want the cake back, you red-headed freak!"

"Hmm. You insult _my_ hair, yet yours looks like a bear. That's interesting."

Tenten's kunai fell, as did her arm. "What did you say?"

"I said you had a head like a bear, Bear-Head."

Tenten covered her buns, sniffling. "I do not…"

"Do too." Sasori kept a blank face, but he was smirking on the inside. His plan was working. 'Typical girls. Always concerned about their hair…'

"Do not! Stop insulting my hair!"

"I'm not insulting it, child. I'm simply telling you the truth. Would you rather me tell you I think it looks wonderful but feel bad for you internally? Or, would you rather me tell you what I think about it, which is that I think it looks like a bear's head?"

Tenten sniffled again. "I don't know…"

"Exactly. I mean, haven't you ever wondered why that white-eyed guy doesn't like you as anymore than a teammate? It's because of your hair." He nodded solemnly.

"You really think so?"

"Yes, I do. So, why don't you take your head to the salon or something. Okay, Bear-Head?"

"_**STOP CALLING ME THAT**_!" Tenten wailed and ran away, sobbing.

Sasori sighed and poofed back to the headquarters, wondering why the others didn't just do that in the first place instead of being caught and dealing with the team from Konoha.

_/Tea Shop, Kirigakure/_

Tenten walked into the tea shop that she had felt her team in. Her eyes were red and puffy, but she looked rather mad. She found their table and slumped down in the empty chair. "He made fun of my hair. What happened to you three?"

"He told everyone in the town square that I was a serial rapist ninja," Gai responded dejectedly, sipping his tea. Some people around them were still glaring or giving weird looks to Gai. He growled. "**It's not true**!" The people turned back to their own tables, whispering to the people with them.

Tenten blinked. "What's your story, Lee?"

Lee sighed. "He gave me horrible advice on how to get Sakura-san to like me." He slid Tenten his notes.

Once she read them, she stabbed a kunai in them. "Stupid son of a bitch. Telling an impressionable young person like you, Lee, this…_**stuff**_!"

"Still can't believe you fell for it, Lee," Neji butted in, sipping his tea calmly.

Lee glared at the Hyuuga prodigy. "You shut up! At least I was not convinced that the Uchiha Clan was really killed by a rabid chinchilla and not Sasuke-san's brother!"

"A rabid chinchilla!" Tenten yelled, smacking Neji in the head. "There aren't any chinchillas anywhere **NEAR** Konoha!"

Neji rubbed his head. "I figured that part out, thanks!"

"Alright, you two. Stop your bickering," Gai intervened, setting his empty tea cup down. "We have more important things to be concerned about now."

"Yes. Like the fact that we…" Lee trailed off.

"That we…" Tenten continued.

The three teammates clung to one another. "That we _**FAILED**_!" they finished, sobbing uncontrollably.

Gai joined in on the clinging and crying. "You're right! Now I'll never beat Kakashi! He's never failed at **ANYTHING**!"

The tea shop people turned their attention to the wailing team, then did their best to ignore them.

This crying thing went on until it was interrupted by a huge cloud of gray smoke appearing right next to their table. Team Gai stopped crying and looked to see the new guests.

There, standing right next to them, were the reasons for their failure: the Akatsuki, holding the cake box!

Team Gai shot up in their area, readying all weapons and fists, waiting for the attack. Instead, Itachi (who was holding the cake) shoved the box into Gai's hands, saying, "Here you go. No hard feelings."

Gai shot his eyes between the cake and the Akatsuki standing before him and his team. None of this was making sense.

"Why…are you giving it back to us when you went through so much trouble to steal it?" Tenten asked, her male partners nodding.

"Well, Leader-sama doesn't like pink and green together." Kisame answered, shrugging.

"He says they remind him of spring." Sasori added.

"And he's more of a winter person…yeah…" Deidara pointed out, the other three nodding in agreement.

"Anyway. The point is, we're here to give it back to you and…apologize, I guess, for stealing it. So, now that we've done that, we're going to leave and do some Akatsuki stuff," Itachi explained. "So, have a nice afternoon." and, with that, the four Akatsuki members poofed out of the tea shop leaving a still completely behooved Team Gai.

"So…what just happened?" Neji queried, looking to the others.

"It seems that the Akatsuki have just given our cake back," Lee replied, looking at the cake box. "What do we do now, Gai-sensei?"

Gai blinked and picked the cake up. "I guess we finish our mission!" He did the a thumbs-up with his free hand. "Alright, team! Let's go!"

"Yeah!" The four Konoha-ninja poofed out as a whole to the Mizukage's assistance's house to deliver the cake meant for Miss Stephanie Seidl.

_/Mizukage's Assistance's House/_

They had no cake.

They had a party, but no cake to top everything off. Stephanie Seidl sat at a table, extremely upset. "Daddy! Where's my cake?" she cried, looking to her dad for the answer.

"I…don't know, sweetheart. It should…be here by now…"

"Well, it's _not_! I thought it was supposed to be delivered by now."

"Umm…"

Just then, the middle of the room was filled with gray smoke, indicating the arrival of the delivery team. "Did someone order a beautiful birthday cake?" a voice said from behind the smoke.

When it cleared, Team Gai stood in a perfectly planned pose. Gai was in the middle, holding the unboxed cake out for everyone to see, with Lee and Neji on either side of him; Lee in the 'Nice Guy' pose and Neji with his trademark smirk. While Tenten sat crouched underneath the cake, thumbs up and smiling wide.

The Mizukage's assistance was relieved, the guests were amazed, and Stephanie was happy. Her cake was finally here and it was presented amazingly. And it looked delicious, too.

So, it was done. The cake was delivered safely to Stephanie's birthday party, Team Gai could finally go home, and the Akatsuki went to Publix and bought their leader his desired cake with no pink and green together.

* * *

Well, hope you wonderful readers laughed as much as my other friends who read this did.

Oh. And, this is the longest one-shot I've ever written! -partys-

Kay. I'm done now...

Anyway.

Read and Review.

Luff you all ;)


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